I’m late, I’m late! For a very important date!
Six tips for overcoming chronic lateness from a self-confessed, now reformed tardy person
Are you always watching the time?
Here are 6 tips for overcoming chronic lateness
This week I have been reflecting on a post that came up in my social media feed about their pet peeve: they hated lateness and couldn’t understand people who were late.
The post continued as to why he hated lateness, how he was always early (very early) and asked for people to explain. The responses he received were full of those who agreed with him. Not one person could fathom how anyone could be late for anything. Ever.
Except me. You see, I’m a reformed late-person. Although I have changed my ways, my reputation is so bad that my friends still consider me the late one.
As someone who is an ex-latecomer to literally anything, it took two things to shake me out of it.
Firstly becoming a full-time step-mum to an anxious child who had previously lived with another chronically late person. I couldn't bear the child's anxiety that we might be late for school in the morning. I made sure we were never, ever late.
The second was therapy. I was that people-pleasing-trying-to-do-it-all-perfectionism-seeking-literally-no-boundaries-frantic-yet-smiling person who simply took too much on. And people, despite seeing me take too much on (at work and personally), and complain to me about not dealing with their need, would continue to pile more responsibilities on me. I couldn't say no and it broke me. It took a week of crying, set off by my witnessing a minor car accident, to be packed off to a therapist by my GP.
The extra responsibility of caring for a sick parent meant that I was stretched to my limits. Those who were so used to having me juggle the world around me (and much of theirs) couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I wasn't just late now, I was failing on all fronts.
No more. I now set boundaries. I schedule that extra buffer time. I manage expectations as best I can. And yes, people get upset. Some push back and it makes me feel awkward/guilty/annoyed/selfish (insert as appropriate).
Now, I am not saying that you take a child under your wing or that you need therapy to crack your habit of being late, however, there are some lessons to take away from my years of being that perpetually late person. Here are my six tips:
Do less
I was doing too much. Although I was doing those things well (I used to have perfectionist-high standards), I was getting on people's nerves with the lateness that came with it and constantly exhausted. Now, doing fewer things allows me to deliver to a high standard and on time... With the bonus that I am more relaxed in general.
Use "Not right now" not "no"
I expect you have seen the posts and memes about practicing saying "no"? Well so have I, and for someone like me, it is a very uncomfortable thing to do. I've found by letting people know that I'd love to help them but can't right now, they often end up sorting out the thing they needed you for and it goes away. If they still need your help, then you can go back to them when you have some time and everyone is happy.
Use your invisibility cloak
If like me, your time is frequently hijacked by others' needs, then one of the most useful tools I've found is to become invisible otherwise known as pretending to be elsewhere. Whether it's extra time between meetings, travel time or carving some time out for personal admin, giving a reason to turn down a request makes people more understanding. Use something others know to be immovable such as work or an appointment (it may depend on who you are dealing with). It has helped me to stay on top of the things that would probably be making me late. The great thing is, that you are the only one who knows the truth!
Protect your energy
The hardest thing that I have had to do is protect my energy by making sure I say yes to the right people and "not right now" to those who may not have my best interests at heart. Avoid those people who will use your time to further themselves, those people who are always moaning but are content in their status quo, and those people who are capable but prefer to have you run around after them instead.
Make a micro-list
I am a chronic to-do list maker. I really do love a list! What I don't love, is the overwhelm that occasionally comes with them. Now, I break down my lists into all of the small easy tasks it takes to make something happen and get something done. I still underestimate time it takes to get a whole job complete but at least now I've ticked off some of the tasks it needed to get it part way there.
Let the balls drop
The “juggle” is something we have constructed in our minds. I can assure you, if you were to let most of those balls you are juggling drop, life will still go on. Consider what balls you can let drop and how important they really are to you and those around you. Instead of dropping a ball, can you bat it away or throw it to someone else? If people don't step up and make the catch, let it drop. The outcome will teach you all something. Maybe, just maybe you've got others around you who are good at juggling too!
Am I late anymore? Occasionally, but usually, it is down to things out of my control. I am embarrassed at my old self and some friends will never let go of that old version of me, but I am also forgiving of who she was. At no point did I intentionally set out to be rude to anyone. If I turned up late but smiling, inside I was mortified. No disrespect was meant. But a lot was going on behind that smile. Remember, we don't always know what is going on behind the scenes.
If you too want to become a reformed chronically late person, book 30 minutes with me to see how coaching can transform your life.